


Desolate Peregrination

by some_random



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Adulthood, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Complete, Eventual Major Character Death, Forbidden Love, Grief/Mourning, Implied homophobic setting, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Post-War, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/some_random/pseuds/some_random
Summary: "You loved my father."He turns and looks at me just longer than necessary, and I know it is because he sees my father in me. That is why he stayed away all these years.Join Boruto in his walk through life as he observes from the sidelines, the bond that entangles Naruto and Sasuke. (I.e. what was really happening in the backdrop of Naruto and Sasuke's lives in Boruto-verse)
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 45
Kudos: 331





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to put this brainfart on paper (or computer screen) from the moment it popped up! I'm currently convinced that SasuNaru/NaruSasu is OTP, and it made me wonder about their lives in the canonverse, being married to Hinata and Sakura. Timeline has shifted forward so Naruto takes on the Hokage role earlier.
> 
> This is from Boruto's point of view in third person. I am so excited to post this, hope you enjoy!

The first time Boruto had met Uncle Sasuke was at his home.

His father had invited his best friend and his family over for dinner after the man had spent years on the road alone. He had heard many stories about Uncle Sasuke, and took a liking to the stolid, brooding man immediately.

It was from that dinner that Sarada and Boruto, at six years of age, started their rivalry. They had pestered the dark-haired man for stories of his youth with Team 7, and Sasuke had entertained them as their mothers chatted and prepared dinner in the kitchen. The youngsters didn't take long to begin heated arguments over the achievements of their fathers.

" _I'm_ going to be Hokage one day! I'm going to be even better than my dad! Besides, your dad isn't even Hokage anyway, Sarada!"

Boruto had stuck his tongue out, and cautiously snuck a glance at the famed ninja. He knew they weren't kind words, Uncle Sasuke did not need the title of a Kage to be respected and feared across the Five Nations.

However, Sarada pouted at her father, "Why aren't _you_ Hokage, dad?" She had asked indignantly.

Uncle Sasuke had looked thoughtful for a little while, and smiled the smallest smile.

"Because I have to protect the Hokage whilst he is protecting everything precious in Konoha. I think I have a pretty cool job, don't you?"

Sarada had listened dutifully but looked dubious. "I think I still want to be Hokage." Her resolve firm for a six-year-old.

"Is my dad precious to you, Uncle Sasuke?" Boruto had asked innocently, if a Hokage protects everything precious in the village, and Uncle Sasuke is protecting dad, that makes a lot of sense!

Sasuke had looked at him with the same stoic expression Boruto has learned he always carries, then smiled the same small smile, his eyes hidden in his hair. "Of course, your dad is my best friend."

The man had then stood up to help Naruto at the door, who had returned from his errand to purchase some drinks for the little dinner party that night.

Boruto remembers this night well for a six-year-old. He remembers the laughter, the simple happiness in the gathering of friends and family. He remembers his father's arm casually slung around his best friend's shoulder as they drank late into the night.

* * *

Uncle Sasuke never stayed in the village long, he was always on the road.

 _Hunting for dangers that might threaten the Hokage_ , Boruto thought.

He remembers the spark that would come to his father's eyes whenever the dark-haired nin made his way back home again. He would announce that he will be drinking with Sasuke, kiss his mother goodbye, and come home later that night whistling and stumbling, drunk and happy. He would recount to Boruto and Himawari his best friend's conquests whilst he was on the road.

Then there were days when Boruto knew Uncle Sasuke had come home bearing terrible news.

There were no stories on those days.

On those days, his father would spend his time late into the night in his office with his advisors. He would come home and fall into his mother's always loving arms, mentally and physically exhausted.

Boruto would hear his father ask his mother if he is doing the right thing keeping Sasuke on the road. His mother would gently touch his father's cheek, his eyes dull with anguished worry, and tell him that that was not his decision to make anyway. His father would take her hand in his and kiss it with a sad smile; the conversation having ended, Boruto would slip away.

This cycle of Uncle Sasuke coming and going continued until he was twelve years old. When Boruto turned twelve, he begged Sasuke to teach him to become a better shinobi, so that he could gain his father's acknowledgement. He saw the quick flash of amusement before he pressed his lips into a thin line and brushed him off. Not until Boruto learnt the Rasengan, he had said. So he did. He learnt what he could to pull of the jutsu his grandfather invented. He saw the familiar reminiscence in the dark eyes as his father's best friend studied him, sighed and agreed. So Sasuke stayed.

* * *

At twelve years of age, Boruto understood love more than ever. He loved his friends and his village and his parents and his sister. His father loved his mother fiercely, and she loved him back. That love was simple to grasp, and it came easily.

He learnt the conflict that came with love.

As much as his father cared for and loved his family, he father rarely came home. His love for his work and his village made Boruto feel less than significant to his father, even though he knew it wasn't true. He hated that his father was Hokage.

And through his new sensei's eyes, he learnt the torment that came with love.

Boruto saw the prolonged glances, the softening of usually hard, stoic eyes, the furrowing of the brows, and the turning of the head with a slightly duller and averted gaze.

He saw the same in his father.

Angsty with what he has observed and conflicted within himself, he had asked Uncle Sasuke on any casual day when the prolonged silence between the taciturn master and jittery student became too much to bear. "Do you love my dad? Does he love you too?"

As he did six years ago, the older man simply smiled the smallest smile. "Like my own brother."

Boruto bit his lip and accepted the spoken answer. This time, he caught the desolation in that smile.

* * *

When he was thirteen, his father invited Sasuke over to drink as he had done so frequently. His mother was away on a mission, and he himself having just returned from one, fell into sleep readily after bidding his father and Uncle Sasuke good night.

Boruto had awoken, hungry, having skipped dinner, and wandered towards the kitchen. He had paused at the edge of the living room, his father and his best friend were sitting on the floor in front of the couch, well on their way to a hangover.

He did not step in or announce his presence.

Sasuke had leaned over, and tentatively pressed his lips against his father's. They parted almost immediately, a painful desire in their eyes.

He watched in shock as they simply stared at each other.

Then, his father, face flush with alcohol and perhaps now with something else, reached for Sasuke's face. With a firmer conviction, he entangled his fingers in a fistful of dark hair and pulled his face towards his own. He watched as his father slowly lowered the other man to lay on the floor, still in an embrace.

Boruto stumbled out of sight and quickly, _quietly,_ made his way back to bed, horrified and speechless, angry for his mother and pained for his father and Sasuke. Torn for having seen something he should not have seen.

Uncle Sasuke returned to the road shortly thereafter.

To say he wasn't relieved was a lie. He could not face his father or his uncle and was glad that he at least did not need to face one of them without reason.

He saw the dullness in his father's eyes, he saw moments when his father thought he was alone, covering his face and wracked with guilt. He noticed the extra time his father spent with his mother, the extra gestures of love he threw her way. His attempts at a silent atonement.

For all the anger he had against the two men for what they have done, he could not hate them. No, deep inside him, he felt for their pain, and so, he kept his silence.

* * *

The next time he saw Uncle Sasuke, it was at Himawari's 14th birthday party. He had made it back to Konoha for the first time in almost 3 years.

Boruto greeted his sensei and welcomed him back. Despite now being nearly as tall as him, Sasuke had casually ruffled his blond hair in greeting, and turned towards his father.

No-one but Boruto watched as Sasuke walked over and seated himself right by the blond man, his arm flush against his fathers, his hand casually brushing the top of his best friend's. He saw his father turn to look at his best friend with a grin, his eyes were bright, hopeful, ecstatic. Then suddenly, those same eyes were almost violently anxious, distraught, guilty. It was a look of despair Boruto could observe but not understand.

He saw his father feign a faltering smile at his best friend, his could-have-been lover, greet him as one would formally greet an acquaintance. He had hesitated, enough for Sasuke to grunt in response without meeting his eyes, before walking away. Even from where he stood and watched, he felt the pain.

Uncle Sasuke left again two days later.

* * *

When he was twenty, his father, the Hokage, ran to the gates of Konoha himself, catching Sasuke as he fell. His figure was barely recognizable.

Now part of the protection detail to the Hokage in between missions, he understood just why Uncle Sasuke had said this job was important. And he understood why his father never let his job escape him when he was growing up.

He watched his father's face twist in desperate anguish as he called medics over to help, clutching the man close to himself.

Over the next week, his father would go to Uncle Sasuke's hospital bed every day. Sometimes, just staying for a few minutes, checking in on him. When it became clear that the mighty Uchiha has no short-term intentions to awaken from his coma despite Sakura-san's best efforts, his father gradually rearranged his nightly schedule to set aside time to sit by his best friend's bedside.

He would sometimes tell him light anecdotes of his life when Sasuke was on the road. Other times, he would read to him, or work away on his reports, asking Uncle Sasuke questions and advice that would not be answered.

Many a time when Himawari would bring dinner to her father, she'd catch him looking at Uncle Sasuke, sad yet content. She'd feel a blanket of comforting warmth, as he shared his chakra through his left hand that was resting on Sasuke's right.

When the day came weeks later that Uncle Sasuke awoke, his father slipped away silently as Sakura and Sarada exclaimed their husband and father's name in relief.

Boruto saw the blank look in Uncle Sasuke's eyes, knowing, searching, and not finding, then resting on his family with a tired smile. He saw his father make his way to the rooftop, and weep poorly hidden tears of relief.

Not even 2 months later, after a grueling recovery period from muscle atrophy, a half-recovered Uncle Sasuke had stood in front of the Hokage's desk, requesting to leave Konoha to finish a mission that nearly left him dead.

Boruto watched as his father's fury rose, slamming his palms on his desk, teeth bared as he demanded the Uchiha to stay in Konoha.

Uncle Sasuke did not respond, his stance firm, his eyes hard as steel. His father wavered, anger gone from his eyes, dejected anxiety taking its place.

Boruto remembered from all the years before when he overheard his parent's talking. His father couldn't make this decision for Sasuke.

"Please, Sasuke, stay. Please."

The Hokage had begged.

For the shortest of seconds, he saw the steel melt, and just as soon as he was certain he saw it, the steel wall slammed back up.

And so, Sasuke left yet again.

* * *

The last time he saw Uchiha Sasuke was at his father's funeral, ten years later. The people praised his father's bravery, for saving Konoha so many times, and lamented his death.

He saw Sasuke by his father's coffin, emotionless, eyes betraying nothing.

Sasuke had turned down any offer of consideration to the Hokage position despite numerous supporters to his cause. He simply stated that he was not fit to lead.

Boruto watched as Sasuke placed his palm on the wood, and run his hand softly across the top. He watched as Sasuke silently murmur goodbyes to the man who died beside him in battle, to the man that was his brother, his best friend, his soulmate. Boruto watched as Sasuke looked up, and pierced his gaze with his own empty eyes. He studied him for what felt like a silent lifetime, and without a single crack in the stoic mask that he had put on, turned to walk away.

* * *

(Boruto POV, first person)

As I stand here now, in front of my father's grave stone, I see the silhouette of the once mighty Uchiha walking towards me. I had heard tales in the almost two decades since I last saw him, tales of him bringing cities to flourish and crushing cities to oblivion. Serving what he believed to be the right cause. He still stands tall, but his frame is smaller, his face wrinkled, and his hair grey.

"Hokage-sama." He addresses me in tender jest, as he positions himself besides me.

"Uncle Sasuke."

As it seems that I have done my whole life, I watch him. He looks down at my father and my mother's tombstones in confusion.

"Yet, I am still alive. Ironic." He says matter-of-factly, almost disappointed in himself.

Sakura-san had also passed. Though I did not see him at her funeral, Sarada had said that her mother died with her father by her side, and he had added a bouquet, to be delivered to her grave every year in addition to my father's.

They had both loved their families. I do not doubt it for a second. Yet I fail to understand their choices. Did mother and Sakura-san know? The must have. Why did they choose to spend their lives apart, why hide, why the pain, unto themselves and those they loved, so many unanswered questions to the anguish that is their lives.

Unable to help myself, just as it had been when I was twelve, I open my mouth.

"He missed you every day you were gone for the last ten years of his life." And it was true, I would catch my father glancing towards the Konoha gates, visiting Sakura-san and off-handedly asking about Uncle Sasuke. I would catch him sometimes drinking alone in the living room and gaze at the spot where his best friend usually sat when he visited, his eyes dull, his lips pressed thin.

The last battle besides his best friend may have been the happiest his father had been in those years.

I didn't understand until he had passed that Sasuke had stayed away because he chose to fulfill my father's dream.

The hated demon who became the Nanadaime, the orphan with a beautiful wife and beautiful family. The hero who saved the village from his traitor genin teammate. He stayed away because he was the prodigy that fell so far. He is the disgraced man who spent so much of his life in atonement - not for his name or his village, but for the people he loved. He stayed away because -

"You loved my father."

He looks at me just as he had years ago, eyes lingering just a moment longer than should have been necessary. I know that he sees my father in me, it is why he does not come to see me all these years. He turns back to my father's tombstone, in no rush to respond.

He finally breaks the silence as he crouches down, "With every ounce of my being."

I have heard nothing more certain in my life.

He brushes his fingertips across the engraving that reads " _Naruto Uzumaki"._

I watch, for the first time, with his eyes hidden from where I stand, the tears escape in a path down the greying Uchiha Sasuke's cheek. The corner of his lips tilted upwards in a desolate smile, for finally having admitted the truth that had weighed upon the two men their entire lives.

"Always, Naruto."


	2. Just One Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spin-off of Desolate Peregrination, about that night between Naruto and Sasuke that Boruto accidentally catches a glimpse of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I've been thinking about doing little spin-offs of this canon-divergence fics ever since I started Desolate Peregrination. So here is an additional chapter, hope it's worth a read...

This is becoming dangerous, how comfortable Sasuke is becoming with life in Konoha. He swallows dryly as Naruto's chuckles ring out into the dimly lit room. It is becoming dangerous how familiar Naruto's presence is becoming in his everyday routine. The last of the blond's laughter settled in his heart and blue eyes turned to catch his gaze, bright and warm. He watches as the corners of his mouth pull into a content, lopsided grin. Sasuke's heart thuds in warning, _dangerous._

A part of Sasuke almost hopes that Naruto would push him away as he presses forward to catch the blond's lips with his own. But he doesn't get pushed away. Instead, when he moves back begrudgingly, he meets blue eyes looking as anguished as he feels.

"I never knew it was possible, to miss someone who is _right there_ , so _damn_ much," Naruto breathes, almost desperately. His hand reaches for Sasuke's cheek, he strokes his fingers through the dark locks, and he pulls Sasuke back towards himself.

In their pleasantly inebriated, heart-achingly vulnerable state, Sasuke loses sight of everything. He forgets about their families, he forgets about their responsibilities, he forgets about everything that is unacceptable to society. Because right here, right now, he is basking in the tender touches of his long forgotten lover.

They make love that night, that was the only way to put it. In their youths, they have had wild, almost primal intercourse, where the world had ceased to exist against their desperate _need_ for each other's flesh. They have had passionate heated sex, where they ravished each other's bodies like it was their last night together. They have had languid, tender lovemaking sessions where the days blurred into nights as they became more and more intoxicated in the drug that was each other. But this was different to every other time that they have lain together. It was the intimate and heartbreaking reacquaintance of a forbidden lover's body. It was the outpouring of sorrow for the loss of their tremendous love through the ministrations of their physical bodies. They made love because they both knew that it should not, and cannot happen again. This time, it really is their last night together.

When Naruto awoke early enough that the skies were still dark, he found himself locking eyes with mismatched red and purple. Sasuke blinked and black took red's place, and Naruto felt his heart break all over again as it did when they shared their last kiss years ago. His heart is breaking from the pain he knew Sasuke shares.

"It's okay," he offers a barely-there-smile as he brushes his fingertips on a pale cheek, gently pushing the hair away from the face, "I wish I can remember as well as you could, teme."

Sasuke blinks once more and his sharingan is back. He doesn't say anything because he doesn't trust himself to; because if he did, he'll ask Naruto to run away with him, he'll want to leave everything behind once more. And he'll regret ever saying those words because they have families now... Families they both love and have responsibilities to. A village they both have to protect. Naruto's reputation to keep intact. Instead, he just watches, and tries to convince himself that he is content just to lay here by Naruto's side. Just for a little longer.

Naruto kisses him softly and moves back just enough so he can speak. All Sasuke can see are glitters of blue as Naruto rests his forehead against his own.

"I love you so much, Sasuke."

That breaks Sasuke. He doesn't stop the tears from falling as he deactivates his eye. Partly because he doesn't want to remember this for the rest of his life without Naruto, partly because he doesn't need it to remember it for the rest of his life without Naruto.

"Dobe, don't ever say these words to me again," Sasuke manages to say as he turns to face the ceiling and lift his arm over his eyes.

And that shatters Naruto. He bites back his refusal as he watches the tears escape in a trail down the side of Sasuke's face, otherwise perfectly composed and expressionless. He feels his lips quiver and he bites down to stop his own emotions from spilling. Naruto wraps his arms around Sasuke and pulls him flush against himself.

It doesn't matter. His words don't matter. They chose this path. This was all they can have between them, this moment, Sasuke in his arms.

That has to be enough for them. Just this one moment of feeling whole again.

When the darkness receded, Naruto's arms lay in front of him, across an empty bedspread. The morning rays carried away their night of reckless, heady desire and washes ashore their respectable realities to which they now must hold accountable once more.

Naruto stares lifelessly at his hand as it grips on to the bed sheets, his chest ringing hollowly, a requiem reverberating through his bones.

In the early dawn light he had almost asked Sasuke to stay as he dressed with his back to Naruto. Naruto had almost considered the possibility of somehow sharing their lives together again. He will convince Sasuke, he will convince everyone, his friends, his subordinates, his village, that _they_ can work it out. That it is possible. He can convince Sakura, he can convince Hinata, his family, his children... He can...not...

He cannot-

Sasuke makes the choice for them.

"Sayonara, Hokage-sama."

That is all it takes for Sasuke to shove Naruto back into his reality. Naruto's head snaps up to take one last look at Sasuke's back before he disappears. Just like that, in an instant, and he was gone. He never looked back.

' _Hokage-sama.'_ How easy it had always been for Sasuke to remind Naruto of where he stood now. He hated it when Sasuke called him that. He hates the irony that in order to fix the home for the person he loves most in his life, he must learn to love him differently. He hates that in order to protect the people they had both come to care about, they must sacrifice each other. He hates that they both so readily sacrifice themselves just so the world runs that much smoother... And he loves Sasuke all the more because of it.

When the rays bounce off the walls and hit the bedspread, blue eyes harden with resolve. Naruto clenches the sheets one last time and rises for the day.

Sasuke leaves silently for his travels once more the next day.


	3. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke grieving the loss of Naruto...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've always wanted to do a fic like this... and Desolate Peregrination provided the perfect opportunity. I've been in quite a slump from writing because of school and work, so this is what I managed to write in the last few months.
> 
> I hope you guys like the update

“Sasuke,” Sakura’s voice fell as they studied each other from across the room. 

The war had taken more than they could have imagined, Tenten, Shino, Choji, hundreds of good Konoha ninja, young and old. And among them, Naruto, their Hokage.

Sakura said nothing more.

She knew.

Of course she knew.

He had to leave Konoha. There was nothing keeping him here any more. Their daughter was grown and old enough to have children of her own if she wished. And though he loved her, held her dear, spent the last few decades in easy familial life with her; he could never love Sakura the way she wanted him too. They both knew that.

Sasuke studied the greying hairs amongst her otherwise pink tresses and met her bloodshot, swollen eyes with his own weary ones. If there were anything left in that numb void in his chest, he was sure he would feel pain for walking away from her again.

But, Naruto took everything with him.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to say, and he meant it.

Sakura only shook her head, and how she managed to put a smile on her face, as small as it was, he could never guess. She stepped aside for him to leave. He stopped to kiss her forehead, and left without looking back.

When Hinata answered the door, no words fell between them. Then, for a moment, she looked like she wanted to slap him, but tears fell down her cheeks instead.

His eyes remained dry as he watched her cry. The woman that Naruto loved. Perhaps the one closest to understanding his pain. He didn’t know why he decided to stop by her house. He sure as hell did not want to see Boruto. A living ghost, the spitting image of his father. 

She ended up leaning against his chest, and his hand had found its way to her shoulder. He wasn’t sure who initiated that. 

She knew too, she wasn’t stupid, just like Sakura knew. He was the only one who understood her pain. 

Her daughter came out of the house and took her from his hold, murmuring words of comfort even as her own reddened eyes threatened to spill over.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated the same farewell. And left Konoha.

  
  


He kept himself busy. That was not hard to do after a war. It was not his first expedition after a war, and he knew what to expect. After a few months, he even managed to send word to Sarada, and after a few more, had kept steady communication with her. He wrote to Sakura too, every now and then.

Time was supposed to heal all wounds. Sasuke knew that well enough. He had lost more than enough before he lost Naruto. As time went on Sasuke knew that the pain, stubborn as it was, would gradually become manageable. The scabs would heal over, and the scar would always be tender if you pressed on it, but it would become manageable. He had lived through it. 

But they, whoever they were, never said anything about time filling voids.

When he walked from village to village now, there was no pain, there was no wound. There was only an emptiness that followed him endlessly. He knew how to function, how to behave, to send word to Sarada and Sakura, so that they would not worry. He knew to keep his mind and his hand busy during the day to keep the hollowness from swallowing him whole as it did when he laid awake at night.

He felt nothing, day in and day out, week after week, even when the months turned into years. 

Nothing.

He started to look for adrenaline rushes, charged into battles, threw himself almost recklessly into the dens of secret organizations and underground governments. Were he anyone other than Uchiha Sasuke, he would have died numerous deaths for the gambles he took.

But he was Uchiha Sasuke. And it did nothing to fill his void.

  
  


It took almost half a decade of wandering across the lands before his first chance encounter with Uzumaki Boruto. Sasuke noticed him first, the shock of blond hair, the glint of his sword, as he fought with another Konoha nin against some members of a group that manipulated time. Sasuke had been tailing that same group and cutting off the limbs of that organization whenever he could. He watched as the figure of Boruto summoned shadow clones and fired up rasengans, and all he saw was his former teammate. He watched as his former pupil manipulated his sword as naturally as if it were an extension of his arm and quickly gained the upper hand of the battle.

Then as the clash below him died down, Sasuke watched as Boruto’s back stiffen upon realizing he was being surveilled. Sasuke registered the man turning around in slow motion. Right before he could spot his former sensei, Sasuke saw flashes of unfaltering bright blue eyes looking straight at him, perfect memories stored away in his mind by his kekkei genkai. 

Sasuke disappeared before Boruto knew he was there.

  
  


He felt his heart beat again; and it was as if all that time that had passed in the last five years rewinded back to the day he lost Naruto.

Shikamaru had to pry the dead Hokage from his arms that day when everything stopped making sense to Sasuke.

He had not left his futon in days, other than for an occasional drink of water, or another menial task for basic survival. His head drowned in a thick fog of dull ache and incognizance. He rode waves of pain and numbness. He was crippled.

Somewhere, sometime in the slog of grief as he laid there, he was delirious and desperate enough to do something he would otherwise never have even thought about. He did not hear the words, but they slipped past his lips anyway. He heard the “pop” and saw the smoke dissipate.

A pair of blue eyes met his own briefly before they looked down at their own hands, blinking in confusion. He was every bit that Sasuke remembered him to be, the last night they laid together. Unmarred by age, so much younger than he should be now. His throat was suddenly painful from the lump that had risen from his heart. 

And his heart, just ached, and ached… and ached…

“Teme, are you serious? What are you thinking?” Naruto asked indignantly as he examined himself, “This isn’t health—”

A quiet shudder escaped Sasuke’s lips as his jaw shook from the voice that he remembered so well. The tears finally fell.

He watched the Naruto that laid in front of him look at him with such concern, and in his moment of weakness, he reached his hand forward and grasped the shirt at Naruto’s chest. 

That was enough for Naruto to pull Sasuke into his arms and hold him there as the soft breathy sobs started.

It felt so agonizingly real; the fingers through his hair, stroking him softly, the arm around his back, holding him firmly, the warmth of the body… 

He didn’t have time to remember that warmth slipping away for the last time five years ago before he cried himself into an exhausted sleep, his grip tight around the fistful of fabric.

When he woke again, Naruto was still there… and he could think clearer.

“You shouldn’t have done this, ‘suke,” Naruto said sadly, his eyes soft with concern. But he reached to cup Sasuke’s cheek, his thumb rubbing the skin gently.

That was almost enough to break Sasuke again. He only leaned in to the touch and nodded in response, dubious of his ability to do answer in any other way.

“I’m sorry I left you behind,” Naruto said after a period of silence, his hand still on Sasuke’s face. Then he smiled, “You know me, always rushing into things.”

The attempt at a lighthearted joke irritated Sasuke, and it gently kicked his brain into action. He was a little impressed on how accurately he could nail Naruto’s personality down.

“You don’t need to speak, idiot,” his voice sounded hoarse, “I made you up in my head.”

“Now, what’s the fun in that?” Came Naruto’s quiet, teasing reply, he brushed Sasuke’s hair out of his face and sat up to grab a glass of water that sat on the floor beside him. Naruto handed the glass over to Sasuke and gestured with his chin for him to drink. “You still need to take care of yourself.”

“Hypocrite.” Sasuke replied curtly, handing the glass back to Naruto after a drink and laid back down.

“I said I’m sorry,” Naruto answered again in that quiet tone.

He settled down next to Sasuke, and for a while, they just stared at each other. Naruto’s blue eyes held Sasuke’s like he was grieving too.

“I didn’t want to leave you,” Naruto said after a while, his brows knitted in a gentle frown.

“But you did,” Sasuke responded evenly, and his next words shook slightly, “You promised we’d die together.”

Naruto’s eyes widened momentarily, and he looked like he wanted to cry.

“That was a promise made under different circumstances, I couldn’t—”

“You never broke your promises, that was your stupid nindo,” Sasuke snapped, he hadn’t felt anger in a while, he wanted to shove Naruto, punch him, beat him up.

Naruto studied Sasuke with such a pained look on his face, and he reached to wrap his fingers around Sasuke’s forearm.

“I don’t regret it,” Naruto’s voice was shaking, “You have Sakura, and Sarada. You have Boruto, Taka…”

“But I don’t have you,” it sounded like a plea, and Sasuke is slightly horrified by the snap-neck speed in his change of emotions. “And _you_ have Boruto, and your daughter, your wife, your village.”

“I had to protect them, I had to protect you,” Naruto answered evenly, and they were silent once more.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke,” came Naruto’s hushed, shaken voice when he broke the silence again.

Sasuke stared at the lines of Naruto’s jaw, clenched so that he would hold his tears back, and realized that he was doing the same.

“You know you shouldn’t do this again, right?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke nodded, “I know.”

He vaguely wondered how ridiculous it looked. Naruto, as Sasuke remembered him in his thirties, and him, now old enough to be his father, having a conversation that was really all in his head.

“I didn’t want to leave you,” Naruto started again, and Sasuke felt his teeth chatter from the surge of emotions. “I still had so much to do, too.”

“Yeah, you did.”

Naruto smiled at him and pressed their foreheads together, “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Take care of yourself and do as much as you can for what I couldn’t do.”

“That’s sly,” Sasuke whispered back.

“A little bit,” Naruto chuckled softly, “I want to wait for you as long as possible.”

“You promise,” Sasuke demanded quietly.

“Promise what?”

“That you’ll wait,” Sasuke said, his scalp tingling from a distant registration of embarrassment and absurdity of what his desperate mind has made up.

“Of course, I’ll wait,” Naruto’s eyes shone with the determination he always carried, a small smile on his lips, “So don’t do anything stupid.”

“An idiot who's be telling me not to be stupid,” Sasuke managed to quip with a small smirk of his own.

An amused breath escaped from Naruto, “You made your shadow clone transform into me, and you’re speaking to it like a nut.”

That almost broke Sasuke again, hearing how much needed this, how much he needed Naruto. He closed his eyes to stop the tears.

“Hey,” Naruto nudged against his forehead, snapping him out of the spiral, “Sorry, too far.”

“No, I’m losing my mind.”

“You’re trying to grieve.”

Then Naruto moved forward so he was holding Sasuke. They stayed wrapped together long enough that Sasuke must have dozed off.

When he stirred a while later, Sasuke felt Naruto’s hand on his cheek again. He opened his eyes to glittering blues, exactly like how he remembered it, the last time they had woken up together… His heart clenched; he knew it was coming to an end.

“I love you so much, Sasuke.”

Sasuke nodded in response this time, his eyes were stinging again, filling up.

“You have to let me go now,” Naruto whispered.

Sasuke nodded again, his voice lodged in his throat.

“Take care of yourself.”

Sasuke nodded once more, then a heavy sigh escaped him, and he looked into those blue eyes one last time. “I love you.”

Naruto smiled and Sasuke felt him kiss the top of his head, “I know." And then, “This is goodbye for now, Sasuke.”

“Bye Naruto.”

“I’ll wait for you, I promise.”

Sasuke nodded his head one last time as he took one last look at Naruto. Then the words slipped past his lips, the smoke dissipated, and he was gone.

He curled up in the futon as the tears fell once more. 

He will cry himself to exhaustion and sleep through the night, and when the morning comes, he will find strength again to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for spending time to read through~ I'm currently thinking about spin-offs or re-writing from Naruto/Sasuke's POV... so there might be additional content in this Peregrination-verse
> 
> I would love suggestions and prompts for SasuNaru/NaruSasu or other pairings!


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